I'm currently on my winter break, and several times I've had to ask myself, "What am I doing?"
The answer is usually something along the lines of, "Well, nothing productive."
I can't stand to do nothing. I enjoy checking things off.
There's just nothing on my list.
Yesterday was also Christmas, and of me that requires a list of things I want so that my parents know what to get me. I just threw a bunch of random things on my list. That way, my parents would have options, and I wouldn't know what to expect. I was not disappointed. This year, I received some tea, journals, and a mini keyboard.
I love giving and sharing, so I did my fair share of asking people what they wanted for Christmas. Some people answered, and other people left me to get creative.
But then I'd look at what's in front of me and wonder, why was this made? Why wasn't it something better? I can do better.
Tomorrow I will create a list of things I want to do. No, I'll do it now. No excuses.
TO DO BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS:
1. Visit old friends
2. Go on a hike
3. Write a song with my sister
4. Finish reading a book
5. Make a youtube video on any of my accounts
6. Improve my palmistry
Don't wait for something good to come around. Don't wait for things to lighten up. It doesn't get much better than this.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
I am The Number 37
A person's life is a like a story. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Like any good story you read, or novel, or poem, there's a general theme. There is foreshadowing and symbols. A reoccurring symbol in my life is the number 37. It follows me everywhere.
I am bound by this number.
My first encounter with the number 37 happened when I was very young. During my early childhood years, I was in a family of 7. My parents, my four siblings, and me. For some reason, we always had a minimum of 3 pets in the house. Two dogs and a bird. Three dogs and no bird (we don't speak of what happened to Sunshine). After three dogs it was three cats.
Then there was none.
Zero was my number for a couple of years.
Zero for the amount of stuff I got done in a day. Zero for the amount of friends I had. Zero for the amount of calories I felt comfortable eating at once. Zero for my test scores and zero for my number.
But the number 37 always lingered, just in other forms. I used to be an avid computer-gamer, my favorite game being Disney's Toontown Online. The highest level you could achieve in the game was 137, but I only ever reached 121. I could never fulfill the number 37. I was never quite good enough, never dedicated enough time, never focused hard enough, never was 37.
I remember the day Toontown closed. It was the day I could have sworn I died. I never got to beat the game and prove to myself that I was capable of being level 137. I cried a bit, I'll admit it. I cried because I was disappointed and felt like I had to say farewell to my childhood. No longer could I avoid the daunting responsibilities of life. No longer was I going to be held back my imaginary goals I could never achieve. It was time to stop living as a virtual character, and start living like a real one.
So I auditioned for my school musical, and it was procedure that you be given a number. My number happened to be 37.
Just because I've taken this test, doesn't mean it's the end for me. I can still better myself. These numbers don't bind me, they just remind me.(;
I am bound by this number.
My first encounter with the number 37 happened when I was very young. During my early childhood years, I was in a family of 7. My parents, my four siblings, and me. For some reason, we always had a minimum of 3 pets in the house. Two dogs and a bird. Three dogs and no bird (we don't speak of what happened to Sunshine). After three dogs it was three cats.
Then there was none.
Zero was my number for a couple of years.
Zero for the amount of stuff I got done in a day. Zero for the amount of friends I had. Zero for the amount of calories I felt comfortable eating at once. Zero for my test scores and zero for my number.
But the number 37 always lingered, just in other forms. I used to be an avid computer-gamer, my favorite game being Disney's Toontown Online. The highest level you could achieve in the game was 137, but I only ever reached 121. I could never fulfill the number 37. I was never quite good enough, never dedicated enough time, never focused hard enough, never was 37.
I remember the day Toontown closed. It was the day I could have sworn I died. I never got to beat the game and prove to myself that I was capable of being level 137. I cried a bit, I'll admit it. I cried because I was disappointed and felt like I had to say farewell to my childhood. No longer could I avoid the daunting responsibilities of life. No longer was I going to be held back my imaginary goals I could never achieve. It was time to stop living as a virtual character, and start living like a real one.
So I auditioned for my school musical, and it was procedure that you be given a number. My number happened to be 37.
I didn't think much of it at the time, but looking back now, I'm realizing the significance. The number was a sign that I was on the right track, although I didn't actually get a part in the musical. No matter, I got my number and I got my ticket to opportunity.
I used to lie to people and tell them I weighed 130 pounds. It was easy to fool people by simply sucking it in or wearing baggy clothes. As I grew heavier, the number grew. I'd tell people, "I'm about 135-140. Maybe in between like 137 or something." But for the longest time, I was lying to myself. Sadly and shamefully, my weight was about 40 lbs off. I was in fact closer to 175 pounds, and 75 is almost double 37. I was too much for a lot of people, and myself. So I lost the weight.
I recall the first time after losing some weight that I looked at the scale and saw the number, "137." I quickly stepped off the scale, in awe at the number that had just presented itself to me. Was it real? Did the scale need to be re-calibrated? It was not so, I had actually become the number 137.
And I was happy with that number. I was proud of myself for finally becoming the character that I was in the game, in real life.
But I am bound by 37. It's like a limit. I am capable of being more, although sometimes I don't want to be. I took my PFA today, and that's the main reason I'm writing this. I went into taking it with the goals below:
1 minute pushups: 40
1 minute sit-ups: 52
1.5 mile run: Under 13:00
I broke records for my sit-ups and 1.5 mile run and surprised myself with the things that I was capable of. However, when it came to the push-ups, I fell short. I told myself I just needed to crank out 40 and I would be set. I had done it before, and I planned to do it again. I've been doing 40 push-ups every night before bed and even more throughout the day. For some reason, when I was half way through my 37th repetition, I couldn't get back up. I had twenty seconds on the clock, but I didn't have it in me to get back up. I knew the ability was there, but I am 37.
I'm a bit disappointed, yes, that I couldn't break 40, but I surprised myself in the other categories. I know what I am capable of and that is what matters. My results, according to the USAF Fitness Test Scoring Chart, my score came out to be 96/100.
I guess 37 push-ups isn't so bad. It's who I am in a way.
I am the number 37.
My Actual Scores:
1 minute pushups: 37
1 minute situps: 61
1.5 mile run: 12:46
Just because I've taken this test, doesn't mean it's the end for me. I can still better myself. These numbers don't bind me, they just remind me.(;
Sunday, December 14, 2014
The Last School Week of 2014
This week is going to be uber busy for me. I've got an AP physics test tomorrow, my PFA on Tuesday and a concert on the same day, a math quiz Thursday, and an AP Gov test on Thursday as well. I've requested this week off of work in order to focus on school. The last week of the year and all my teachers decide to cram in as many tests as they can before we all say farewell.
Good luck to you all this week. Who knows, maybe you'll need it, too.
Good luck to you all this week. Who knows, maybe you'll need it, too.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Why I Dislike Social Media
So from the title, you can probably guess what this is going to be about, and that is that I don't like social media. I like the whole idea behind it and how it can be used to stay in touch with friends and family, but don't like how it has become so corrupt. I don't have a phone, as many people know, and that's by choice because I can get by without it.
The main use for social media was originally to stay in contact with family and friends that have moved or are not close to you physically. It was a tool to keep them updated on your life and accomplishments. Nowadays, social media is used to meet new people, dangerous and friendly. If you look at a person's friends list or look at who they are following, chances are they won't be able to name every single person. I know I sure can't.
I believe social media should be used more responsibly. Just a few weeks ago, my school was put on lock down because a few teenagers decided to try and post anonymous threats towards my high school via Yik Yak. First off, nothing is ever anonymous and that's something people need to get straight. Nor is anything ever completely erased from the internet. Someone always has a file of it somewhere. I recall, a few years ago I started my youtube channel and posted some silly videos. I went back a while after I had posted them and deleted them because I didn't like how I was portrayed. Despite my efforts to take down the videos, when I googled my name, I discovered that one of my viewers had actually taken some screenshots of those videos. So from this I learned, if you're going to post something. Post it. But make sure it's gonna be something you're still proud of in a couple of weeks.
Image is important to me as a musician and teenage girl. Some mornings, I change my outfit up to three times because I can't decide on what to wear. That's just the start of it, though. With social media, there's not just the shirt, pants, jacket, and shoes. There's the profile picture, cover photo, statuses, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on. I used to post things every day, each time with the hope that certain someones might like it and other someones might comment. The disappointment that came with the lack of responses was overwhelming for my little teenage heart. So I'd delete the status or the photo. I cared a lot about how people saw me. I cared a lot about whether they saw me or not.
I don't use my facebook much anymore, or at least compared to how much I used to. I don't post statuses because I don't have much to share with the world. Additionally, I don't need to share things with the people on my friends list. Just because they are there doesn't necessarily mean they're important to me. I have the cellphone numbers of the people who matter most, or alternative ways of contacting them. For the people that equally matter, I am still getting around to asking for their info.
My step-mom told me this rule about clothes. She said if they haven't been used in six months, then you don't need them. I feel as if this can be applied to social media as well and friends/followers. I am constantly erasing people from my friends lists. For every new person I add, I remove a couple. I do this to make sure my list doesn't get overwhelmingly lost, and to just clear off the people that have left facebook or haven't spoken to me in six months. Sometimes I'll see a name on my friends list and think to myself, "Who the heck is that?"
Okay, I've got some homework to do, so I'll try to be quick.
People are also very dependent on social media, I've noticed. I don't have a cellphone, so maybe I'm biased, but I feel so free without a phone. I see my peers texting beneath the desks or I walk past someone on the sidewalk who happens to pull out their phone as we get closer, and I think to myself how lucky I am. Phones are unsafe. They're a distraction from the things that are important. Texting while driving? Stop, please. You have somewhere to be, and it's just holding you back.
This doesn't mean phones and social media are completely useless. There are beneficial apps like alarms, GPS, and email. The thing that people are forgetting to realize, though, because of this technology, is that they are perfectly capable of living life without it.
Don't let your phone live life for you.
You live it for you.
The main use for social media was originally to stay in contact with family and friends that have moved or are not close to you physically. It was a tool to keep them updated on your life and accomplishments. Nowadays, social media is used to meet new people, dangerous and friendly. If you look at a person's friends list or look at who they are following, chances are they won't be able to name every single person. I know I sure can't.
I believe social media should be used more responsibly. Just a few weeks ago, my school was put on lock down because a few teenagers decided to try and post anonymous threats towards my high school via Yik Yak. First off, nothing is ever anonymous and that's something people need to get straight. Nor is anything ever completely erased from the internet. Someone always has a file of it somewhere. I recall, a few years ago I started my youtube channel and posted some silly videos. I went back a while after I had posted them and deleted them because I didn't like how I was portrayed. Despite my efforts to take down the videos, when I googled my name, I discovered that one of my viewers had actually taken some screenshots of those videos. So from this I learned, if you're going to post something. Post it. But make sure it's gonna be something you're still proud of in a couple of weeks.
Image is important to me as a musician and teenage girl. Some mornings, I change my outfit up to three times because I can't decide on what to wear. That's just the start of it, though. With social media, there's not just the shirt, pants, jacket, and shoes. There's the profile picture, cover photo, statuses, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on. I used to post things every day, each time with the hope that certain someones might like it and other someones might comment. The disappointment that came with the lack of responses was overwhelming for my little teenage heart. So I'd delete the status or the photo. I cared a lot about how people saw me. I cared a lot about whether they saw me or not.
I don't use my facebook much anymore, or at least compared to how much I used to. I don't post statuses because I don't have much to share with the world. Additionally, I don't need to share things with the people on my friends list. Just because they are there doesn't necessarily mean they're important to me. I have the cellphone numbers of the people who matter most, or alternative ways of contacting them. For the people that equally matter, I am still getting around to asking for their info.
My step-mom told me this rule about clothes. She said if they haven't been used in six months, then you don't need them. I feel as if this can be applied to social media as well and friends/followers. I am constantly erasing people from my friends lists. For every new person I add, I remove a couple. I do this to make sure my list doesn't get overwhelmingly lost, and to just clear off the people that have left facebook or haven't spoken to me in six months. Sometimes I'll see a name on my friends list and think to myself, "Who the heck is that?"
Okay, I've got some homework to do, so I'll try to be quick.
People are also very dependent on social media, I've noticed. I don't have a cellphone, so maybe I'm biased, but I feel so free without a phone. I see my peers texting beneath the desks or I walk past someone on the sidewalk who happens to pull out their phone as we get closer, and I think to myself how lucky I am. Phones are unsafe. They're a distraction from the things that are important. Texting while driving? Stop, please. You have somewhere to be, and it's just holding you back.
This doesn't mean phones and social media are completely useless. There are beneficial apps like alarms, GPS, and email. The thing that people are forgetting to realize, though, because of this technology, is that they are perfectly capable of living life without it.
Don't let your phone live life for you.
You live it for you.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Post SAT: Brain Goes What?
I just got back from taking my first and last SAT. There was a lot of pressure riding on this because it's my only chance. However, I feel alright. I'm mostly relieved that it's over. I have no idea how so many people have taken this multiple times.
As I was writing the essay, I was concerned about my wording. I knew what I wanted to say, but it got jumbled coming out. I've done practice essays, and have done well on those before, so I'm not sure why I struggled so much with this. I think it was just the pressure getting to me. I managed to barely scrape in a few body paragraphs and didn't get to the conclusion. I'm disappointed about that, but hey, what can you do?
I thought the math sections were easy as pie. Even for the ones that I struggled with at first I managed to get an answer down. I didn't leave anything blank, which I'm not sure is good or bad?
The closer I got to the end of the test the better I felt. The only thing that I'm a bit worried about was the interpreting of passages. Despite what my peers may think, I am awful when it comes to translating text.
Well, the SAT is out of the way now.
Bah shake it off.
Relax.
Now time for the next test. Sometime within the next two weeks I'll need to take my PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment). My 1.5 mile time is about average, but I can crank out a good amount of push-ups. Sit-ups are my weak point, but I'm hoping to improve those within these next two weeks some how. It's all about the core, I guess.
As I was writing the essay, I was concerned about my wording. I knew what I wanted to say, but it got jumbled coming out. I've done practice essays, and have done well on those before, so I'm not sure why I struggled so much with this. I think it was just the pressure getting to me. I managed to barely scrape in a few body paragraphs and didn't get to the conclusion. I'm disappointed about that, but hey, what can you do?
I thought the math sections were easy as pie. Even for the ones that I struggled with at first I managed to get an answer down. I didn't leave anything blank, which I'm not sure is good or bad?
The closer I got to the end of the test the better I felt. The only thing that I'm a bit worried about was the interpreting of passages. Despite what my peers may think, I am awful when it comes to translating text.
Well, the SAT is out of the way now.
Bah shake it off.
Relax.
Now time for the next test. Sometime within the next two weeks I'll need to take my PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment). My 1.5 mile time is about average, but I can crank out a good amount of push-ups. Sit-ups are my weak point, but I'm hoping to improve those within these next two weeks some how. It's all about the core, I guess.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Reflections
We all have an image in our head of what we think we look like. We've only ever seen ourselves in a mirror, and some scientists believe our brains actually trick us into thinking we look better than we actually do (Oh, God). Therefore, because of this we can only really ever know what we want ourselves to look like. What's in the mirror is just the base coat we have to work with on this wonderful canvas of life.
Sometimes, I like to imagine the types of people I'll be having lunch with in five or ten years time. I want the person on the other side of the table to be someone that's stuck around a while. I want them to be someone who has seen me through thick and thin and knows how to keep me in line. I welcome criticism if it means improvement.
So who is on the other side of this table?
As of right now, I'm still figuring that out. I've got a good idea of the type of person I'd like to having that lunch with, but they are still a blur. Everything about life at the moment is all about possibilities. No guarantees have made themselves known.
Everybody around me is applying to colleges, but everything they're applying to is just to add to their options. They're studying for tests, which is suppose to narrow their options, but more knowledge just opens the door to more choices.
The only definitive answer I have is me. I'm going to be sitting at that table five years from now. So what type of person do I want to be?
Sometimes, I like to imagine the types of people I'll be having lunch with in five or ten years time. I want the person on the other side of the table to be someone that's stuck around a while. I want them to be someone who has seen me through thick and thin and knows how to keep me in line. I welcome criticism if it means improvement.
So who is on the other side of this table?
As of right now, I'm still figuring that out. I've got a good idea of the type of person I'd like to having that lunch with, but they are still a blur. Everything about life at the moment is all about possibilities. No guarantees have made themselves known.
Everybody around me is applying to colleges, but everything they're applying to is just to add to their options. They're studying for tests, which is suppose to narrow their options, but more knowledge just opens the door to more choices.
The only definitive answer I have is me. I'm going to be sitting at that table five years from now. So what type of person do I want to be?
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Day 30 Conclusions
Well, today is the last day of #NoNothingNovember and I didn't really keep an update on everything as well as I probably could have. I kind of skipped over the hard parts and didn't keep you in the loop.
There were some days where I just felt awful, like I wasn't trying hard enough or should have chosen easier vices to conquer.
When it came to not (1) getting distracted by the internet as much, I would always try to make excuses as to why I could be on the internet at that time. Gotta pass the time, or I've been good all day. Then I'd fight myself, shut off the computer for almost getting drawn in and go write in my journal instead. At times when I did end up going on the internet for things other than email or my blogs, I'd be using search engines to find SAT study tips or recipes. I tried to focus my time online only on self-improvement sites. I took up a new hobby because of this. I am now learning how to read palms, which is a great conversation starter.
On the topic of starting conversations, I've been trying to get better at saying what I need to say when I ought to say it or in other words... (2) speaking my mind. This vice was a bit versatile. I wanted to get better at being included in conversations and starting them. Once conversation was initiated, I wanted to be able to speak confidently, rather than staying quiet and just listening while other people had the floor because I had nothing good to say. Throughout the month, I tried to do a better job at talking to people. I spoke more frequently to coworkers and even asked them questions about their day more often. I've always been good at small talk and this was my attempt at getting good at conversations, too. In order to have more to say, I had to be more knowledgeable. So I kept up with the media and actually read articles on Yahoo instead of just skimming over them. Gotta study life outside of life, ya know what I mean?
Oh (3) studying, what a jolly thing you are. This morning I got up early and studied for almost two hours. Sitting down and studying for the SAT is tough, but I managed to cram a little more inside my head in order to prepare for next week. I'm only taking it once, so I've only got one chance to succeed or screw up. I learned a few more math skills, and have been practicing writing essays. My essays could still use some improvement (as always). Vocabulary is a tough one, because there's such a myriad of words to be memorized. I usually learn things by incorporating them into my everyday language, but I don't know many people that would understand me if I began using words like, "abrogate" or "crepuscular." Wouldn't want to hinder my ability to be understood. (Hinder- that's another vocab word).
Food is addictive, but I've been in remission for a long time. (4) Snacking and eating when I'm bored is unhealthy and was going to make these last few pounds tough to lose. However, I managed to hold off until I was actually hungry. This vice was probably the worst one, because although I wanted to control my eating, I didn't want to worry my family that I was developing some kind of eating disorder for not always chewing something. Gum and mints became my best friends when I'd get the munchies. I will admit, I was not perfect when it came to this vice, as I gave in a couple of times and munched on some cereal when I craved it. Afterwards, I'd feel awful, like I screwed up my goal. This was where I would tell myself to do better. I didn't really want to document my thoughts during this time, because they weren't the most positive.
This last week, however, because I've been out of school, I've been able to power through these last few days. I've focused on the goals at hand and have really tried to emphasize what I was working towards. I was working towards a better me, one that was disciplined and smart. I wanted to have a clean mind and healthy body by the end of this month, and I honestly feel good. Mostly because it's over.. hehe.
But I've learned a lot. I've learned that giving up is only the easy way out. I enjoy having monthly goals to improve, and so next month I'd like to come up with a completely new set of goals on which to focus myself on. The end is never the end, just the start to a new beginning.
There were some days where I just felt awful, like I wasn't trying hard enough or should have chosen easier vices to conquer.
When it came to not (1) getting distracted by the internet as much, I would always try to make excuses as to why I could be on the internet at that time. Gotta pass the time, or I've been good all day. Then I'd fight myself, shut off the computer for almost getting drawn in and go write in my journal instead. At times when I did end up going on the internet for things other than email or my blogs, I'd be using search engines to find SAT study tips or recipes. I tried to focus my time online only on self-improvement sites. I took up a new hobby because of this. I am now learning how to read palms, which is a great conversation starter.
On the topic of starting conversations, I've been trying to get better at saying what I need to say when I ought to say it or in other words... (2) speaking my mind. This vice was a bit versatile. I wanted to get better at being included in conversations and starting them. Once conversation was initiated, I wanted to be able to speak confidently, rather than staying quiet and just listening while other people had the floor because I had nothing good to say. Throughout the month, I tried to do a better job at talking to people. I spoke more frequently to coworkers and even asked them questions about their day more often. I've always been good at small talk and this was my attempt at getting good at conversations, too. In order to have more to say, I had to be more knowledgeable. So I kept up with the media and actually read articles on Yahoo instead of just skimming over them. Gotta study life outside of life, ya know what I mean?
Oh (3) studying, what a jolly thing you are. This morning I got up early and studied for almost two hours. Sitting down and studying for the SAT is tough, but I managed to cram a little more inside my head in order to prepare for next week. I'm only taking it once, so I've only got one chance to succeed or screw up. I learned a few more math skills, and have been practicing writing essays. My essays could still use some improvement (as always). Vocabulary is a tough one, because there's such a myriad of words to be memorized. I usually learn things by incorporating them into my everyday language, but I don't know many people that would understand me if I began using words like, "abrogate" or "crepuscular." Wouldn't want to hinder my ability to be understood. (Hinder- that's another vocab word).
Food is addictive, but I've been in remission for a long time. (4) Snacking and eating when I'm bored is unhealthy and was going to make these last few pounds tough to lose. However, I managed to hold off until I was actually hungry. This vice was probably the worst one, because although I wanted to control my eating, I didn't want to worry my family that I was developing some kind of eating disorder for not always chewing something. Gum and mints became my best friends when I'd get the munchies. I will admit, I was not perfect when it came to this vice, as I gave in a couple of times and munched on some cereal when I craved it. Afterwards, I'd feel awful, like I screwed up my goal. This was where I would tell myself to do better. I didn't really want to document my thoughts during this time, because they weren't the most positive.
This last week, however, because I've been out of school, I've been able to power through these last few days. I've focused on the goals at hand and have really tried to emphasize what I was working towards. I was working towards a better me, one that was disciplined and smart. I wanted to have a clean mind and healthy body by the end of this month, and I honestly feel good. Mostly because it's over.. hehe.
But I've learned a lot. I've learned that giving up is only the easy way out. I enjoy having monthly goals to improve, and so next month I'd like to come up with a completely new set of goals on which to focus myself on. The end is never the end, just the start to a new beginning.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thanksforgiving and Day 28
Yesterday was an overall pretty successful day. I got up and ran 3 miles, then did 3 on the stationary bike. I also did some pilates, weight lifting, and pushups. I had a protein shake, apple, and a protein bar for breakfast.
Then the real holiday began. My dad decided to start a new tradition where we make a puzzle as a family while the food cooks. By the end of the night the only two people doing the puzzle were my sister and me. That's alright, I guess, because she and I work well together.
I didn't overeat, which I'm proud of. However, I did chug a bunch of water after I ate, which made me feel sickly.
It's almost the end of November, and I haven't exactly been keeping up with the NoNothingNovemeber trend. At least, I haven't been posting every day about it like other bloggers have been. This doesn't mean I've given up altogether, though. I've still been pushing myself to improve, and even started working out more.
See, lately, I've been very busy with school, work, and music. Finally with the week off, I've been able to take the time to get back into working out. I should be running right now, but instead am writing this. Guess what I'll be doing afterwards?
So here's an overview of my vices.
1) Getting distracted by the internet: I feel like using the internet to pass time is more of a problem now than getting distracted by it. I have a schedule for my internet usage now. I get up, use it to check a few self-improvement sites, check my email, blah blah, then I study for SAT's. I go for a run, shower, eat a light lunch or breakfast (whatever you may), then maybe study some more, but then I'm usually off to work by then. I've started using my time on the computer to be more productive, and in turn feel like I'm more in control.
2) Saying what I need to say when I need to say it: I speak up when I need to, and stay quiet when I don't. If I have something to add, I'll add it. With all of the protest against the Ferguson case going on, there's been much opportunity to listen. I've sort of been keeping up with the case, enough so that I can participate in a discussion about it. Yesterday, my step-mom brought it up and was confused about the whole situation. It was nice to be able to share my knowledge on the case and have a conversation about it.
3) Studying harder: As I mentioned before, I've been studying for SAT's. Yes, finally. I set a goal to get an hour out of studying ever day this week. I haven't met that goal, but have at least done a bit of studying each day. I can still do more, and after I get back from my run I plan to study more. Knowledge is power, so let's get smart.
4) Eating when I'm not hungry: I added to this that I shouldn't eat when it's late. After work, if I don't get home until 9, then I won't eat because I go to bed at 10. Because it's thanksforgiving break, too, I haven't been eating until I feel hungry. I'm not going to school every day, so there's no way for me to burn extra calories. I need to buy more apples and fruits because I'm all out. Maybe I'll do that later... after I run and study :p
Then the real holiday began. My dad decided to start a new tradition where we make a puzzle as a family while the food cooks. By the end of the night the only two people doing the puzzle were my sister and me. That's alright, I guess, because she and I work well together.
I didn't overeat, which I'm proud of. However, I did chug a bunch of water after I ate, which made me feel sickly.
It's almost the end of November, and I haven't exactly been keeping up with the NoNothingNovemeber trend. At least, I haven't been posting every day about it like other bloggers have been. This doesn't mean I've given up altogether, though. I've still been pushing myself to improve, and even started working out more.
See, lately, I've been very busy with school, work, and music. Finally with the week off, I've been able to take the time to get back into working out. I should be running right now, but instead am writing this. Guess what I'll be doing afterwards?
So here's an overview of my vices.
1) Getting distracted by the internet: I feel like using the internet to pass time is more of a problem now than getting distracted by it. I have a schedule for my internet usage now. I get up, use it to check a few self-improvement sites, check my email, blah blah, then I study for SAT's. I go for a run, shower, eat a light lunch or breakfast (whatever you may), then maybe study some more, but then I'm usually off to work by then. I've started using my time on the computer to be more productive, and in turn feel like I'm more in control.
2) Saying what I need to say when I need to say it: I speak up when I need to, and stay quiet when I don't. If I have something to add, I'll add it. With all of the protest against the Ferguson case going on, there's been much opportunity to listen. I've sort of been keeping up with the case, enough so that I can participate in a discussion about it. Yesterday, my step-mom brought it up and was confused about the whole situation. It was nice to be able to share my knowledge on the case and have a conversation about it.
3) Studying harder: As I mentioned before, I've been studying for SAT's. Yes, finally. I set a goal to get an hour out of studying ever day this week. I haven't met that goal, but have at least done a bit of studying each day. I can still do more, and after I get back from my run I plan to study more. Knowledge is power, so let's get smart.
4) Eating when I'm not hungry: I added to this that I shouldn't eat when it's late. After work, if I don't get home until 9, then I won't eat because I go to bed at 10. Because it's thanksforgiving break, too, I haven't been eating until I feel hungry. I'm not going to school every day, so there's no way for me to burn extra calories. I need to buy more apples and fruits because I'm all out. Maybe I'll do that later... after I run and study :p
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
History
History is the story that was before me.
I've taken several history classes, and always seemed to struggle in those more than my other classes. It's hard for me to grasp the knowledge of life before my own. To think that life started way before my life, at times, is just ridiculous. So sometimes I feel like learning history is ridiculous.
The stories that we are told in school are always changing. When we learn these stories, they are just from the perspective of one person. Maybe it was revised by another man, but how can we ever really know if the stories we are learning are the truth if we were never there?
I feel as if history could be some big lie. What if the government is monitoring us and making us learn this subject in order to keep us in line?
I ask too many questions to ever completely understand a story that is not mine.
I've taken several history classes, and always seemed to struggle in those more than my other classes. It's hard for me to grasp the knowledge of life before my own. To think that life started way before my life, at times, is just ridiculous. So sometimes I feel like learning history is ridiculous.
The stories that we are told in school are always changing. When we learn these stories, they are just from the perspective of one person. Maybe it was revised by another man, but how can we ever really know if the stories we are learning are the truth if we were never there?
I feel as if history could be some big lie. What if the government is monitoring us and making us learn this subject in order to keep us in line?
I ask too many questions to ever completely understand a story that is not mine.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
The Beauty In My Day
Yesterday, I went for a walk with my step-sister. When we were coming back, the sun was in the perfect spot, such that it shone through the trees beautifully. My step-sister suggested I snap a photo since I had the phone with me. So I did:
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Beauty is all around you. You just gotta stop looking down at the cracks in the sidewalk all the time, and look up, because it's there.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Oh, Holiday Folly
With the change of seasons comes the holidays: Halloween, Thanksforgiving, Christmas. For Halloween I bought purple hair spray and planned to turn myself Violet, but that idea died quickly after I discovered I couldn't wear it to work. I could, I'd just end up changing the color of my hat. Anyways, the next holiday is Thanksforgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for. However, I will wait until the day is closer to give you my list of things to give thanks to. Christmas... I've got a month.
The weather outside is changing, and I love it. I love the colors of the leaves on the ground, and the partly cloudy days are perfect. It's also getting a bit chilly, which means I'm gonna get to start wearing sweatshirts and sweat pants again.
I heard this quote somewhere, it went something like this: "A diet is not just one meal. It's everything you ate that day, that week, and that month."
I love that. It makes me much more confident about what I eat, and makes me stress out less when I have more than one Oreo. I've actually been eating a lot of fruit and protein lately. I volunteered at a fitness event and got some sample protein shakes that I eat after I work out. I'm on Thanksforgivingbreak so I have so much more time to work out. I've been running a mile and half every day and biking 3 miles. It may seem like a lot, but I pace myself (don't worry parents!).
I found this recipe for orange zest tea the other day, which turned out really good. Being that it's been chilly around the house, this is just absolutely perfect and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys tea.
What I did was I ate an orange, but then saved the peel. I used a potato peeler to peel off some of the peel of the orange. I find that doing this before you actually eat the orange is so much more convenient. With the orange peel shaving things, I put those in a small pot of boiling water with about 1 cup- 1 1/2 cups water. I let it come to a light boil for a few minutes while stirring lightly. Then turned off the heat and used a spoon with holes in it to get out the orange peels. Into a mug it went after that! I added some sugar and ta dah!
I can't give you any real estimate of how much sugar I added because sweetness varies from person to person. I can't wait to try this technique with other fruits! I hope you enjoy, and stay warm!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
A Box of Chocolates
You know those questions people ask at mixers when they're trying to start a conversation? They're the silly short questions such as, "What's your favorite color?," or, "What's your favorite movie?" Well, my favorite color is ironically not violet. It's yellow, and as for my for my favorite movie, which goes beyond single colors, that would have to be the colorful Forrest Gump.
Forrest Gump is an American classic that tells the story of a man obviously named Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks) throughout his life in the sixties and seventies. Interestingly, Forrest finds himself in the middle of many major events that happen during this time from the Vietnam War to the Kennedy assassination.
Throughout the movie, Forrest is telling his life story to the many people he shares a bench with at a bus stop. He famously recalls, "My momma always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." He tells the strangers about his young life when he met the love of his life, Jenny (Robin Wright). Now, Forrest is a bit simple-minded and oblivious to a lot of what happens throughout the movie. While he's away at war with Vietnam, Jenny is off experiencing the hippie life of the 70's. Every time Forrest comes to visit her, she's in some kind of trouble that he digs her out of. Often he expressed to her that she's his girl and he loves her, but because of her troubled past, she always runs the other way.
Now, now. I'm telling you too much. If you haven't seen Forrest Gump, you really ought to. It will warm your heart to see such a man achieve success in so many ways. The movie really opens your eyes to everything that's around you.
You may be bored by social studies and history, but you're living it, so let's dive into this box of chocolates and make history.
Forrest Gump is an American classic that tells the story of a man obviously named Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks) throughout his life in the sixties and seventies. Interestingly, Forrest finds himself in the middle of many major events that happen during this time from the Vietnam War to the Kennedy assassination.
Throughout the movie, Forrest is telling his life story to the many people he shares a bench with at a bus stop. He famously recalls, "My momma always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." He tells the strangers about his young life when he met the love of his life, Jenny (Robin Wright). Now, Forrest is a bit simple-minded and oblivious to a lot of what happens throughout the movie. While he's away at war with Vietnam, Jenny is off experiencing the hippie life of the 70's. Every time Forrest comes to visit her, she's in some kind of trouble that he digs her out of. Often he expressed to her that she's his girl and he loves her, but because of her troubled past, she always runs the other way.
Now, now. I'm telling you too much. If you haven't seen Forrest Gump, you really ought to. It will warm your heart to see such a man achieve success in so many ways. The movie really opens your eyes to everything that's around you.
You may be bored by social studies and history, but you're living it, so let's dive into this box of chocolates and make history.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Day 9 of Nothings
The internet is such a distraction. It's too easy to be drawn away from your original intentions. Yesterday, I read up on how other people are doing with their vices and it was nice to see that I was not the only one struggling.
Speaking up and becoming more well spoken is such a hard thing to change in just a month. It's probably going to take me several months to be able to better defend myself and express myself verbally. I did, however, get involved in some class discussion this past week. That was good, and I felt like I was able to contribute many good points.
Studying is boring. I don't know how to make it fun. Still, I have been doing my best to study. Just before I decided to write up this update, I was actually studying for my SAT, which I have to take next month. I've got a month to prepare. I'm thinking about getting up maybe five or ten minutes earlier than I already do in the mornings in order to make time for studying. I usually get up around 5:25 to work out, but I guess I could make time for studying as well.
Eating when I'm not hungry is something that I make too many excuses for. I think that because I work out, I should be able to just eat whatever. The thing about weight loss is this: you never feel like you're done. There's always more to improve. You can always run that mile a tiny bit faster, or perfect your form when doing push-ups, or squat a little lower. Continuing to eat when I don't need to is going to set me back with my weight loss.
An excuse: The things I'm eating aren't all that bad. I'll have a handful of grapes, or an apple, or some oatmeal. I'm eating healthy, just frequently. I wasn't having a problem with this before because we used to have a giant bucket of mints sitting on the table. Anytime I got the munchies I'd grab a mint because it gave me the satisfaction of eating a snack, but I'd be taking in less calories.
I've got probably one more serving of oatmeal left before I run out. Due to a family emergency, it looks like we probably won't be getting to the store any time soon. I have protein shakes that I got from volunteering yesterday, but they contain milk. It says on the bottle that they are lactose and gluten free, which is weird. How can you have milk, but not lactose? I need to research that.
BUT NO! I need to study right now.
Stop being a distraction, Mr. Internet.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Individuals Like Me
Someone wise once said that you are the average of the people around you. I describe the person who said this as wise because its basic common sense. If you spend your time around a bunch of comedians who laugh a lot, you're most likely going to pick up on it and start laughing too. That's empathy.
So if you're the average of the people around you, how is it that one can identify themselves as being an individual?
I've met a lot of people in my life, however, I believe that any person that reoccurs throughout my life must play a significant role. They wouldn't be in my life if I weren't suppose to learn anything from them. The lessons I learn from these people, whether they be family members, friends, peers, customers, or just straight up strangers, are lessons that can be negative or positive. I may learn how not to behave from a particular person, and I may learn exactly how to behave from another. Being that in public high school a person is exposed to many different examples, I've learned a lot.
I've known the jocks, the kids that practice religions, the drama kids, the choir kids, band kids, artsy kids, and the do nothing kids. From these people that surround me, I've taken the lessons they've taught me and applied them to my life, but have been careful to select only the lessons that matter most. I like to imagine that in five years time, when a person is asked if they remember who I was, that they will have only good things to say about me. One may call this goal unrealistic, but realism is overrated.
From the people like jocks I've learned that working hard pays off. There seems to be a negative connotation with the word, "jock." Automatically, you probably imagined someone who dates only cheerleaders, bullies the nerds, and barely gets passing grades. However, that is not so. The word, "jock" is overused in the way that it is used to describe even the most dedicated of athletes. Some of these athletes that I've come across may be called a jock when they're off the field because they like to have fun and play around. However, as soon as they're on the field, it's go time. It's time to focus and get their head in the game. From these athletes, I've learned that there are times when it's alright to take a break, and other times when I must dedicate my talents to helping the team.
Although I do not consider myself a very religious person, I do not reject religion entirely. The religious students that I've met at school are wonderful people, no different from you nor me. The only thing that sets them apart is that they simply have a different perspective on life. But these students fascinate me, though, because even when things get tough, they stick to what they believe in. They've taught me to hold on to my opinions and always remember what's important to me through thick and thin.
For through thick and thin, everyone wears a face when they are put in a different environment due to defensiveness and empathy. The people that can control their face perfectly are the drama kids. These are probably the most flexible and resilient kinds of people a person can meet. They are also some of the trickiest people to truly get to know, because they're so good at always playing a part. Nevertheless, the drama kids I've met are open-hearted people, who have taught me how to stay strong, or at least do a darn good job at faking it.
Next, beauty comes in many forms, one form being music. I am a vocalist and a previous choir kid myself, so bare with me if I come off as a little biased. Choir kids are very expressive, yet disciplined. They love to show off their talent, but love to always keep people guessing. A choir kid is also never just a choir kid, they're always so involved in so much more because they are versatile, which is required of any musician. Choir kids have taught me to be well rounded and always prepared to perform.
For the sake of time, I'm going to have to cut the next few short.
Band kids taught me to never underestimate the introverts, because they can hit all the right notes if you give them the chance. Artsy kids taught me to always be confident in my strokes, and that sometimes you have to improvise. The do nothing kids taught me that it's good to take a break and relax for a little bit in between always being up and at em.
So I've become the average of the people around me. I've taken the lessons that I've learned from my environment and used them to become the person that I want other people to see me as. I'm not just one person, I am many. I am a combination of hard work, faith and dedication, of ability, flexibility, and versatility. I am the element of surprise, the improvisational skill, and hesitation.
Being an individual is not being different from the people around you. It's being like them, just in your own way.
So if you're the average of the people around you, how is it that one can identify themselves as being an individual?
I've met a lot of people in my life, however, I believe that any person that reoccurs throughout my life must play a significant role. They wouldn't be in my life if I weren't suppose to learn anything from them. The lessons I learn from these people, whether they be family members, friends, peers, customers, or just straight up strangers, are lessons that can be negative or positive. I may learn how not to behave from a particular person, and I may learn exactly how to behave from another. Being that in public high school a person is exposed to many different examples, I've learned a lot.
I've known the jocks, the kids that practice religions, the drama kids, the choir kids, band kids, artsy kids, and the do nothing kids. From these people that surround me, I've taken the lessons they've taught me and applied them to my life, but have been careful to select only the lessons that matter most. I like to imagine that in five years time, when a person is asked if they remember who I was, that they will have only good things to say about me. One may call this goal unrealistic, but realism is overrated.
From the people like jocks I've learned that working hard pays off. There seems to be a negative connotation with the word, "jock." Automatically, you probably imagined someone who dates only cheerleaders, bullies the nerds, and barely gets passing grades. However, that is not so. The word, "jock" is overused in the way that it is used to describe even the most dedicated of athletes. Some of these athletes that I've come across may be called a jock when they're off the field because they like to have fun and play around. However, as soon as they're on the field, it's go time. It's time to focus and get their head in the game. From these athletes, I've learned that there are times when it's alright to take a break, and other times when I must dedicate my talents to helping the team.
Although I do not consider myself a very religious person, I do not reject religion entirely. The religious students that I've met at school are wonderful people, no different from you nor me. The only thing that sets them apart is that they simply have a different perspective on life. But these students fascinate me, though, because even when things get tough, they stick to what they believe in. They've taught me to hold on to my opinions and always remember what's important to me through thick and thin.
For through thick and thin, everyone wears a face when they are put in a different environment due to defensiveness and empathy. The people that can control their face perfectly are the drama kids. These are probably the most flexible and resilient kinds of people a person can meet. They are also some of the trickiest people to truly get to know, because they're so good at always playing a part. Nevertheless, the drama kids I've met are open-hearted people, who have taught me how to stay strong, or at least do a darn good job at faking it.
Next, beauty comes in many forms, one form being music. I am a vocalist and a previous choir kid myself, so bare with me if I come off as a little biased. Choir kids are very expressive, yet disciplined. They love to show off their talent, but love to always keep people guessing. A choir kid is also never just a choir kid, they're always so involved in so much more because they are versatile, which is required of any musician. Choir kids have taught me to be well rounded and always prepared to perform.
For the sake of time, I'm going to have to cut the next few short.
Band kids taught me to never underestimate the introverts, because they can hit all the right notes if you give them the chance. Artsy kids taught me to always be confident in my strokes, and that sometimes you have to improvise. The do nothing kids taught me that it's good to take a break and relax for a little bit in between always being up and at em.
So I've become the average of the people around me. I've taken the lessons that I've learned from my environment and used them to become the person that I want other people to see me as. I'm not just one person, I am many. I am a combination of hard work, faith and dedication, of ability, flexibility, and versatility. I am the element of surprise, the improvisational skill, and hesitation.
Being an individual is not being different from the people around you. It's being like them, just in your own way.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Hate
A few months ago, Max Glauben, a holocaust survivor, conducted an AMA on Reddit. When asked if he had forgiven the Nazis for their treatment, Glauben answered:
“Hate is within the hater. It distorts who he is and also stays within him. The person that he hates sometimes doesn't even know about it. Hating someone is the equivalent of drinking poison and hoping that the person who he hates will die. I choose not to hate so that I don't become the person that applied hate to me.”
When I hear people use the word, "hate," I assume they are using it to exaggerate a situation. I think most people are incapable of hate, simply because they have not been faced with such a trial that would require such an emotion.
I don't think I've ever hated anyone. I've experienced strong distrust, anger, and dislike towards another person, but never hate. Hate is something like love, because should not be taken lightly. Hate is damaging, destructive, and painful. It causes discomfort in the hearts of all who witness it and can be as crippling as poison.
One would argue that a person such as Max Glauben, who endured such a trial like the Holocaust, should be able to feel hatred justly. However, even he resists.
So next time you use the word, "hate," think about your reasoning. Think about the usage of your words, because you can probably find another word that will fit your situation just fine. Don't be comfortable with hatred, because then you'll become uncomfortable with forgiveness.
Day 3 With Nothing
This is just going to be a quick update, because I've got some homework to do.
I was wrong about the most difficult vice being the internet. I think it's actually going to be the eating when I'm not hungry. I'm also using this one as a reason to ditch junk food for a month.
I started off the day with a third of a bagel and some water. For a snack I had some apples and apple juice. Oatmeal was for lunch, and an after school snack consisted of a few pieces of Halloween candy. Which I felt terrible about afterwards, worried that I was being conquered by a vice, rather than I conquering it. In order to decrease the amount of candy I have without wasting it, I've been pawning it off to my sisters and sneaking it into their Halloween stashes. I don't want it, so they can have it. For dinner was some chicken, veggies, and a bit of rice.
I love dinner because its the only meal I feel confident about. There's the protein and the veggies, and the right amount of carbs. I just wish I had more healthy options for breakfast and lunch.
I digress. This is becoming more of a food diary than a documentation of my days with nothing.
I barely glanced at facebook today, and haven't been on the internet until now for this and my project.
As for saying what I need to say, I'm great at writing things down, but not saying them. I need to get better at speaking to people. So I should probably start talking to people more, then (>o<).
Studying? Well, I need to make more time for this. Tomorrow before school, I need to review Physics before class, so that I go in prepared.
This should start getting easier, right?
I'd like to think so.
I was wrong about the most difficult vice being the internet. I think it's actually going to be the eating when I'm not hungry. I'm also using this one as a reason to ditch junk food for a month.
I started off the day with a third of a bagel and some water. For a snack I had some apples and apple juice. Oatmeal was for lunch, and an after school snack consisted of a few pieces of Halloween candy. Which I felt terrible about afterwards, worried that I was being conquered by a vice, rather than I conquering it. In order to decrease the amount of candy I have without wasting it, I've been pawning it off to my sisters and sneaking it into their Halloween stashes. I don't want it, so they can have it. For dinner was some chicken, veggies, and a bit of rice.
I love dinner because its the only meal I feel confident about. There's the protein and the veggies, and the right amount of carbs. I just wish I had more healthy options for breakfast and lunch.
I digress. This is becoming more of a food diary than a documentation of my days with nothing.
I barely glanced at facebook today, and haven't been on the internet until now for this and my project.
As for saying what I need to say, I'm great at writing things down, but not saying them. I need to get better at speaking to people. So I should probably start talking to people more, then (>o<).
Studying? Well, I need to make more time for this. Tomorrow before school, I need to review Physics before class, so that I go in prepared.
This should start getting easier, right?
I'd like to think so.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Being Feminine
As suggested by the title of this post, I will be discussing ways in which I have strayed from being feminine and ways that I have succeeded. I just finished reading an article on Thought Catalog by Caitlin Leggett, titled, "50 Ways To Be A Woman." This article has many useful items on it that any woman should at least think about, if not use them to improve herself. Now, I understand that fifty items seems like a lot, so I have selected a few that I will focus on.
1) Forming Opinions on Political Matters and Current Events
I recall on one of my last days of my Junior year of high school, three boys sitting near me in class got into a discussion about religion and social issues such as abortion and homosexual marriage. I was so impressed by how my classmates argued their points and were able to contribute towards different ideas brought up. One of the boys, who took a more conservative stance, kept looking at me as if waiting for me to contribute. However, I stayed quiet and let them speak. Of course I had opinions on the topics, but hadn't been keeping myself up to date on current trends and felt like I would just be repeating their opinions. Keeping myself up to date on current events is something I need to work on.
2) Allowing Men to Treat Me Like A Lady
I've grown up being the tomboy sister of the family. I was always told that I was big boned, so took that to mean that I should be more physically fit. In P.E. class, I'd actively participate in the sports. Whenever I moved houses, my dad and I would do most of the heavy moving, while my sisters just did some of the lighter stuff. I saw myself as more "manly", and therefore unworthy to be treated like a woman. I also saw myself as unattractive and doubted that any guy would ever think to pursue me. So I opened my own doors, picked up guys' pencils with they dropped them, and took on the manners of men. When a guy would try to treat me like a lady, I'd compete with them to treat them like the lady. NO MORE OF THIS. I need to let myself be treated as the lady now. It's okay to have some masculine traits, but the way I've been going about utilizing them is innappropriate.
3) Using Social Media to Present Myself Positively
I don't often use social media, just to chat with some close friends. I didn't always use it for that reason. I used to post ridiculous status updates on Facebook, and post unattractive photos of myself, and then feel insecure that nobody was liking my posts. That is probably why my usage of social media has declined. I now only post photos or statuses when they are representative of importance to me.
4) Do Not Develop A Reputation As A Gossip
I think gossiping is one of the most unattractive things that a person can be caught doing. If you have a problem with someone, you should confront them about it. I find it especially degrading when I myself am gossiping. I want to present myself in a positive manner, so when someone comes to me wanted to initiate gossip, I try to deflect the negativity. If someone said something about me, and someone else tries to tell me about what they said, I take the other person's side.
"Oh they said that? I can see why they would think that." Then I try to compliment them, which usually surprised the person that was intending to start some drama. I'd rather have a reputation as someone kind than someone who talks about other people negatively behind their back.
5) Know There's A Time and Place for Everything
Timing is so important in life. There are times when you need to act, and times when you need to lay back and just wait for the right time to act. I've had my fair share of mistakes where I acted too soon, and they came back to bite me in the butt. Patience is suppose to be a virtue, not a virgin.
6) Finding Beauty in Everyday
I actually love this idea. Going through my days without taking the time to appreciate my surroundings tires me out. I forget that there is beauty all around me in many forms. Yesterday, it rained a bit, and afterwards, the sky looked absolutely gorgeous. I didn't think much about the sky when I was looking at it, but today, I'm thinking that that sky was pretty beautiful at the time.
7) Have Ambitions and Pursue Them
Goals are more likely to be pursued when they're written down. That's why governments have written constitutions. Lately, I haven't been making my goals clear, which makes it difficult to know what I am working towards. I know that I'd like to have a job in the future where I help people, but that's just too ambiguous. I love to write, sing, and draw. I suppose I am pursuing my writing by posting it on this blog rather than in my journal.
8) Respecting Myself
There was a time when I didn't respect myself, and I put myself last in many situations. I forgot who I was doing things for, and became blind to purpose. It's okay to compromise, but not when it becomes damaging. Keeping myelf well tidied, staying positive, and respecting others are all ways to respect myself. Determining my goals and taking time to pursue them is how I'll know I'm doing a good job at that.
There were many more other points that Leggett made in her article about being feminine, which I wholeheartedly believe in. These are just the ones that I could directly relate to and write about. Stay positive, friends. Happy Sunday!
1) Forming Opinions on Political Matters and Current Events
I recall on one of my last days of my Junior year of high school, three boys sitting near me in class got into a discussion about religion and social issues such as abortion and homosexual marriage. I was so impressed by how my classmates argued their points and were able to contribute towards different ideas brought up. One of the boys, who took a more conservative stance, kept looking at me as if waiting for me to contribute. However, I stayed quiet and let them speak. Of course I had opinions on the topics, but hadn't been keeping myself up to date on current trends and felt like I would just be repeating their opinions. Keeping myself up to date on current events is something I need to work on.
2) Allowing Men to Treat Me Like A Lady
I've grown up being the tomboy sister of the family. I was always told that I was big boned, so took that to mean that I should be more physically fit. In P.E. class, I'd actively participate in the sports. Whenever I moved houses, my dad and I would do most of the heavy moving, while my sisters just did some of the lighter stuff. I saw myself as more "manly", and therefore unworthy to be treated like a woman. I also saw myself as unattractive and doubted that any guy would ever think to pursue me. So I opened my own doors, picked up guys' pencils with they dropped them, and took on the manners of men. When a guy would try to treat me like a lady, I'd compete with them to treat them like the lady. NO MORE OF THIS. I need to let myself be treated as the lady now. It's okay to have some masculine traits, but the way I've been going about utilizing them is innappropriate.
3) Using Social Media to Present Myself Positively
I don't often use social media, just to chat with some close friends. I didn't always use it for that reason. I used to post ridiculous status updates on Facebook, and post unattractive photos of myself, and then feel insecure that nobody was liking my posts. That is probably why my usage of social media has declined. I now only post photos or statuses when they are representative of importance to me.
4) Do Not Develop A Reputation As A Gossip
I think gossiping is one of the most unattractive things that a person can be caught doing. If you have a problem with someone, you should confront them about it. I find it especially degrading when I myself am gossiping. I want to present myself in a positive manner, so when someone comes to me wanted to initiate gossip, I try to deflect the negativity. If someone said something about me, and someone else tries to tell me about what they said, I take the other person's side.
"Oh they said that? I can see why they would think that." Then I try to compliment them, which usually surprised the person that was intending to start some drama. I'd rather have a reputation as someone kind than someone who talks about other people negatively behind their back.
5) Know There's A Time and Place for Everything
Timing is so important in life. There are times when you need to act, and times when you need to lay back and just wait for the right time to act. I've had my fair share of mistakes where I acted too soon, and they came back to bite me in the butt. Patience is suppose to be a virtue, not a virgin.
6) Finding Beauty in Everyday
I actually love this idea. Going through my days without taking the time to appreciate my surroundings tires me out. I forget that there is beauty all around me in many forms. Yesterday, it rained a bit, and afterwards, the sky looked absolutely gorgeous. I didn't think much about the sky when I was looking at it, but today, I'm thinking that that sky was pretty beautiful at the time.
7) Have Ambitions and Pursue Them
Goals are more likely to be pursued when they're written down. That's why governments have written constitutions. Lately, I haven't been making my goals clear, which makes it difficult to know what I am working towards. I know that I'd like to have a job in the future where I help people, but that's just too ambiguous. I love to write, sing, and draw. I suppose I am pursuing my writing by posting it on this blog rather than in my journal.
8) Respecting Myself
There was a time when I didn't respect myself, and I put myself last in many situations. I forgot who I was doing things for, and became blind to purpose. It's okay to compromise, but not when it becomes damaging. Keeping myelf well tidied, staying positive, and respecting others are all ways to respect myself. Determining my goals and taking time to pursue them is how I'll know I'm doing a good job at that.
There were many more other points that Leggett made in her article about being feminine, which I wholeheartedly believe in. These are just the ones that I could directly relate to and write about. Stay positive, friends. Happy Sunday!
Day 2 With Nothing
Alright, I'm on day two of vice-conquering.
The one that I am struggling with most is getting distracted by the internet. As I am working on an assignment, the lure of clicking a new tab and reading some article unrelated to my homework is very strong. Of course, I am still allowing myself time for self-improvement articles, but am trying to separate the time I spend on those sites from the time I spend doing assignments.
Because it's the weekend, and I am not at school, I haven't had many opportunities to speak up. My step-mom got a kidney-pancreas transplant on Wednesday, and so I went to visit her yesterday. Upon arriving, I tried to initiate conversation; however, I immediately picked up that it was no time to chat. I was more useful being there than making it known that I was there.
There's seems to be a necessity for balance when it comes to being a conversationalist. Talking too much can make you seem chatty and annoying, whereas not talking enough can make you seem shy or careless. Many people, including myself, have yet to find this balance. I used to be very chatty, but have become more quiet over the years. The reason for this is probably because I have moved a fair number of times due to life changes. Talking has become more of a symbol of committment to a person, and I have a disinterest in talking and getting comfortable with a person if I am just going to get up and move again. Hmm....
Studying harder? I mean, I could always be studying right now (Oh, geez.)
I got up early this Sunday morning and read out of my American Government text book. I also finished some of my homework for that class. There's always something else that I could be studying, though.
Munchies are evil. I can't stand them. Don't get me wrong. I love food, but not when it's sitting there tempting me. With Halloween being a few days ago, and candy being in every corner of my house, the struggle to stay focused on the task at hand is real. Most of the candy isn't mine, so I cannot just throw it away. If I did that, I'd probably be upsetting many people in this little apartment. But with the presence of candy and sweets in my house at the moment, I am more motivated to stay away from it. I pride myself in being able to say, "No thank-you," when offered junk food, and I beat myself up when I give in.
I suppose being upset for having a bad day is not the way to go about approaching these vices. I will have bad days. I will make mistakes. Hell, I'll probably make the same mistakes all over again, but the thing to note is this: One bad day does not define a bad week. One bad week does not make up a month, and one bad month does not ruin the year.
I think I read that somewhere a few days ago when I was distracted by the internet.
OOPS.
The one that I am struggling with most is getting distracted by the internet. As I am working on an assignment, the lure of clicking a new tab and reading some article unrelated to my homework is very strong. Of course, I am still allowing myself time for self-improvement articles, but am trying to separate the time I spend on those sites from the time I spend doing assignments.
Because it's the weekend, and I am not at school, I haven't had many opportunities to speak up. My step-mom got a kidney-pancreas transplant on Wednesday, and so I went to visit her yesterday. Upon arriving, I tried to initiate conversation; however, I immediately picked up that it was no time to chat. I was more useful being there than making it known that I was there.
There's seems to be a necessity for balance when it comes to being a conversationalist. Talking too much can make you seem chatty and annoying, whereas not talking enough can make you seem shy or careless. Many people, including myself, have yet to find this balance. I used to be very chatty, but have become more quiet over the years. The reason for this is probably because I have moved a fair number of times due to life changes. Talking has become more of a symbol of committment to a person, and I have a disinterest in talking and getting comfortable with a person if I am just going to get up and move again. Hmm....
Studying harder? I mean, I could always be studying right now (Oh, geez.)
I got up early this Sunday morning and read out of my American Government text book. I also finished some of my homework for that class. There's always something else that I could be studying, though.
Munchies are evil. I can't stand them. Don't get me wrong. I love food, but not when it's sitting there tempting me. With Halloween being a few days ago, and candy being in every corner of my house, the struggle to stay focused on the task at hand is real. Most of the candy isn't mine, so I cannot just throw it away. If I did that, I'd probably be upsetting many people in this little apartment. But with the presence of candy and sweets in my house at the moment, I am more motivated to stay away from it. I pride myself in being able to say, "No thank-you," when offered junk food, and I beat myself up when I give in.
I suppose being upset for having a bad day is not the way to go about approaching these vices. I will have bad days. I will make mistakes. Hell, I'll probably make the same mistakes all over again, but the thing to note is this: One bad day does not define a bad week. One bad week does not make up a month, and one bad month does not ruin the year.
I think I read that somewhere a few days ago when I was distracted by the internet.
OOPS.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
#NoNothingNovember
Wow, it's been a while since I last wrote. The reason for that being that I've been writing everything down in a journal rather than on a blog. However, a recent trend called #NoNothingNovember, started by Kidstrangelove of Manosphere.com, has got me writing on this blog again.
So what is #NoNothingNovember? It's a challenge to give up our vices for a month to motivate self-improvement.
These past two years, I've been working so intently to improve my body and health, that I haven't taken much time to improve just myself. I went from 175lbs to 130. So now that my body is finally in a place where I'm happy with it, I'd like to focus on improving myself in other ways. This is why I've taken an interest in this challenge.
After some serious thought, consideration, and debating with myself, I've chosen several vices to dissolve and conquer!
MY VICES:
1) Getting distracted by the internet
Several of my classes require that I use the internet for research and access to assignments. I've always struggled with staying focused while on the internet, because there are so many places where you can wind up. I tell myself that I need a break from a task and allow myself to give in to temptation. I need to gain better focus online, and be able to sit down at the computer and complete what needs to be completed. For one month, I'm going to use the computer for more productive things, other than procrastination.
2) Saying what I want to say when I need to say it
I've gotten far too comfortable with keeping my mouth shut in a moment when I could have spoken up. This means more participation in class, conversations with band mates, and phone calls. Although it's my job to answer phones, I'm absolutely awful at expressing myself during a casual phone call. After being in a situation where I could have spoken, I go home and I write in my journal everything I should have said. So no more of that. Say what I want to say when I need to say it and no more being passive!
3) Studying Harder
Last year, I had far less responsibilities which allowed me more time to study. Now that I have more things on my plate, I have less free time to dedicate to studying. Hopefully, by using my time more wisely online, I'll be able to have more time for that. SAT's are coming up, so I need to study for that more.
4) Eating when I'm not hungry
I just need to not eat if I'm not hungry. That one is pretty straight forward.
Well, there you have it. Those are my vices! I hope that if you've taken the time to read through these, maybe because you were curious or needed some inspiration, that you'll realize that there's always room for self-improvement. Good luck!
So what is #NoNothingNovember? It's a challenge to give up our vices for a month to motivate self-improvement.
These past two years, I've been working so intently to improve my body and health, that I haven't taken much time to improve just myself. I went from 175lbs to 130. So now that my body is finally in a place where I'm happy with it, I'd like to focus on improving myself in other ways. This is why I've taken an interest in this challenge.
After some serious thought, consideration, and debating with myself, I've chosen several vices to dissolve and conquer!
MY VICES:
1) Getting distracted by the internet
Several of my classes require that I use the internet for research and access to assignments. I've always struggled with staying focused while on the internet, because there are so many places where you can wind up. I tell myself that I need a break from a task and allow myself to give in to temptation. I need to gain better focus online, and be able to sit down at the computer and complete what needs to be completed. For one month, I'm going to use the computer for more productive things, other than procrastination.
2) Saying what I want to say when I need to say it
I've gotten far too comfortable with keeping my mouth shut in a moment when I could have spoken up. This means more participation in class, conversations with band mates, and phone calls. Although it's my job to answer phones, I'm absolutely awful at expressing myself during a casual phone call. After being in a situation where I could have spoken, I go home and I write in my journal everything I should have said. So no more of that. Say what I want to say when I need to say it and no more being passive!
3) Studying Harder
Last year, I had far less responsibilities which allowed me more time to study. Now that I have more things on my plate, I have less free time to dedicate to studying. Hopefully, by using my time more wisely online, I'll be able to have more time for that. SAT's are coming up, so I need to study for that more.
4) Eating when I'm not hungry
I just need to not eat if I'm not hungry. That one is pretty straight forward.
Well, there you have it. Those are my vices! I hope that if you've taken the time to read through these, maybe because you were curious or needed some inspiration, that you'll realize that there's always room for self-improvement. Good luck!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
My First Funeral
I attended my first funeral yesterday and it made me realize something. You can never really know whether you have more behind you or more in front of you, so we must make what’s left of our futures great, because you never know when you will not have another tomorrow.
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