I'm currently on my winter break, and several times I've had to ask myself, "What am I doing?"
The answer is usually something along the lines of, "Well, nothing productive."
I can't stand to do nothing. I enjoy checking things off.
There's just nothing on my list.
Yesterday was also Christmas, and of me that requires a list of things I want so that my parents know what to get me. I just threw a bunch of random things on my list. That way, my parents would have options, and I wouldn't know what to expect. I was not disappointed. This year, I received some tea, journals, and a mini keyboard.
I love giving and sharing, so I did my fair share of asking people what they wanted for Christmas. Some people answered, and other people left me to get creative.
But then I'd look at what's in front of me and wonder, why was this made? Why wasn't it something better? I can do better.
Tomorrow I will create a list of things I want to do. No, I'll do it now. No excuses.
TO DO BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS:
1. Visit old friends
2. Go on a hike
3. Write a song with my sister
4. Finish reading a book
5. Make a youtube video on any of my accounts
6. Improve my palmistry
Don't wait for something good to come around. Don't wait for things to lighten up. It doesn't get much better than this.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
I am The Number 37
A person's life is a like a story. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Like any good story you read, or novel, or poem, there's a general theme. There is foreshadowing and symbols. A reoccurring symbol in my life is the number 37. It follows me everywhere.
I am bound by this number.
My first encounter with the number 37 happened when I was very young. During my early childhood years, I was in a family of 7. My parents, my four siblings, and me. For some reason, we always had a minimum of 3 pets in the house. Two dogs and a bird. Three dogs and no bird (we don't speak of what happened to Sunshine). After three dogs it was three cats.
Then there was none.
Zero was my number for a couple of years.
Zero for the amount of stuff I got done in a day. Zero for the amount of friends I had. Zero for the amount of calories I felt comfortable eating at once. Zero for my test scores and zero for my number.
But the number 37 always lingered, just in other forms. I used to be an avid computer-gamer, my favorite game being Disney's Toontown Online. The highest level you could achieve in the game was 137, but I only ever reached 121. I could never fulfill the number 37. I was never quite good enough, never dedicated enough time, never focused hard enough, never was 37.
I remember the day Toontown closed. It was the day I could have sworn I died. I never got to beat the game and prove to myself that I was capable of being level 137. I cried a bit, I'll admit it. I cried because I was disappointed and felt like I had to say farewell to my childhood. No longer could I avoid the daunting responsibilities of life. No longer was I going to be held back my imaginary goals I could never achieve. It was time to stop living as a virtual character, and start living like a real one.
So I auditioned for my school musical, and it was procedure that you be given a number. My number happened to be 37.
Just because I've taken this test, doesn't mean it's the end for me. I can still better myself. These numbers don't bind me, they just remind me.(;
I am bound by this number.
My first encounter with the number 37 happened when I was very young. During my early childhood years, I was in a family of 7. My parents, my four siblings, and me. For some reason, we always had a minimum of 3 pets in the house. Two dogs and a bird. Three dogs and no bird (we don't speak of what happened to Sunshine). After three dogs it was three cats.
Then there was none.
Zero was my number for a couple of years.
Zero for the amount of stuff I got done in a day. Zero for the amount of friends I had. Zero for the amount of calories I felt comfortable eating at once. Zero for my test scores and zero for my number.
But the number 37 always lingered, just in other forms. I used to be an avid computer-gamer, my favorite game being Disney's Toontown Online. The highest level you could achieve in the game was 137, but I only ever reached 121. I could never fulfill the number 37. I was never quite good enough, never dedicated enough time, never focused hard enough, never was 37.
I remember the day Toontown closed. It was the day I could have sworn I died. I never got to beat the game and prove to myself that I was capable of being level 137. I cried a bit, I'll admit it. I cried because I was disappointed and felt like I had to say farewell to my childhood. No longer could I avoid the daunting responsibilities of life. No longer was I going to be held back my imaginary goals I could never achieve. It was time to stop living as a virtual character, and start living like a real one.
So I auditioned for my school musical, and it was procedure that you be given a number. My number happened to be 37.
I didn't think much of it at the time, but looking back now, I'm realizing the significance. The number was a sign that I was on the right track, although I didn't actually get a part in the musical. No matter, I got my number and I got my ticket to opportunity.
I used to lie to people and tell them I weighed 130 pounds. It was easy to fool people by simply sucking it in or wearing baggy clothes. As I grew heavier, the number grew. I'd tell people, "I'm about 135-140. Maybe in between like 137 or something." But for the longest time, I was lying to myself. Sadly and shamefully, my weight was about 40 lbs off. I was in fact closer to 175 pounds, and 75 is almost double 37. I was too much for a lot of people, and myself. So I lost the weight.
I recall the first time after losing some weight that I looked at the scale and saw the number, "137." I quickly stepped off the scale, in awe at the number that had just presented itself to me. Was it real? Did the scale need to be re-calibrated? It was not so, I had actually become the number 137.
And I was happy with that number. I was proud of myself for finally becoming the character that I was in the game, in real life.
But I am bound by 37. It's like a limit. I am capable of being more, although sometimes I don't want to be. I took my PFA today, and that's the main reason I'm writing this. I went into taking it with the goals below:
1 minute pushups: 40
1 minute sit-ups: 52
1.5 mile run: Under 13:00
I broke records for my sit-ups and 1.5 mile run and surprised myself with the things that I was capable of. However, when it came to the push-ups, I fell short. I told myself I just needed to crank out 40 and I would be set. I had done it before, and I planned to do it again. I've been doing 40 push-ups every night before bed and even more throughout the day. For some reason, when I was half way through my 37th repetition, I couldn't get back up. I had twenty seconds on the clock, but I didn't have it in me to get back up. I knew the ability was there, but I am 37.
I'm a bit disappointed, yes, that I couldn't break 40, but I surprised myself in the other categories. I know what I am capable of and that is what matters. My results, according to the USAF Fitness Test Scoring Chart, my score came out to be 96/100.
I guess 37 push-ups isn't so bad. It's who I am in a way.
I am the number 37.
My Actual Scores:
1 minute pushups: 37
1 minute situps: 61
1.5 mile run: 12:46
Just because I've taken this test, doesn't mean it's the end for me. I can still better myself. These numbers don't bind me, they just remind me.(;
Sunday, December 14, 2014
The Last School Week of 2014
This week is going to be uber busy for me. I've got an AP physics test tomorrow, my PFA on Tuesday and a concert on the same day, a math quiz Thursday, and an AP Gov test on Thursday as well. I've requested this week off of work in order to focus on school. The last week of the year and all my teachers decide to cram in as many tests as they can before we all say farewell.
Good luck to you all this week. Who knows, maybe you'll need it, too.
Good luck to you all this week. Who knows, maybe you'll need it, too.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Why I Dislike Social Media
So from the title, you can probably guess what this is going to be about, and that is that I don't like social media. I like the whole idea behind it and how it can be used to stay in touch with friends and family, but don't like how it has become so corrupt. I don't have a phone, as many people know, and that's by choice because I can get by without it.
The main use for social media was originally to stay in contact with family and friends that have moved or are not close to you physically. It was a tool to keep them updated on your life and accomplishments. Nowadays, social media is used to meet new people, dangerous and friendly. If you look at a person's friends list or look at who they are following, chances are they won't be able to name every single person. I know I sure can't.
I believe social media should be used more responsibly. Just a few weeks ago, my school was put on lock down because a few teenagers decided to try and post anonymous threats towards my high school via Yik Yak. First off, nothing is ever anonymous and that's something people need to get straight. Nor is anything ever completely erased from the internet. Someone always has a file of it somewhere. I recall, a few years ago I started my youtube channel and posted some silly videos. I went back a while after I had posted them and deleted them because I didn't like how I was portrayed. Despite my efforts to take down the videos, when I googled my name, I discovered that one of my viewers had actually taken some screenshots of those videos. So from this I learned, if you're going to post something. Post it. But make sure it's gonna be something you're still proud of in a couple of weeks.
Image is important to me as a musician and teenage girl. Some mornings, I change my outfit up to three times because I can't decide on what to wear. That's just the start of it, though. With social media, there's not just the shirt, pants, jacket, and shoes. There's the profile picture, cover photo, statuses, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on. I used to post things every day, each time with the hope that certain someones might like it and other someones might comment. The disappointment that came with the lack of responses was overwhelming for my little teenage heart. So I'd delete the status or the photo. I cared a lot about how people saw me. I cared a lot about whether they saw me or not.
I don't use my facebook much anymore, or at least compared to how much I used to. I don't post statuses because I don't have much to share with the world. Additionally, I don't need to share things with the people on my friends list. Just because they are there doesn't necessarily mean they're important to me. I have the cellphone numbers of the people who matter most, or alternative ways of contacting them. For the people that equally matter, I am still getting around to asking for their info.
My step-mom told me this rule about clothes. She said if they haven't been used in six months, then you don't need them. I feel as if this can be applied to social media as well and friends/followers. I am constantly erasing people from my friends lists. For every new person I add, I remove a couple. I do this to make sure my list doesn't get overwhelmingly lost, and to just clear off the people that have left facebook or haven't spoken to me in six months. Sometimes I'll see a name on my friends list and think to myself, "Who the heck is that?"
Okay, I've got some homework to do, so I'll try to be quick.
People are also very dependent on social media, I've noticed. I don't have a cellphone, so maybe I'm biased, but I feel so free without a phone. I see my peers texting beneath the desks or I walk past someone on the sidewalk who happens to pull out their phone as we get closer, and I think to myself how lucky I am. Phones are unsafe. They're a distraction from the things that are important. Texting while driving? Stop, please. You have somewhere to be, and it's just holding you back.
This doesn't mean phones and social media are completely useless. There are beneficial apps like alarms, GPS, and email. The thing that people are forgetting to realize, though, because of this technology, is that they are perfectly capable of living life without it.
Don't let your phone live life for you.
You live it for you.
The main use for social media was originally to stay in contact with family and friends that have moved or are not close to you physically. It was a tool to keep them updated on your life and accomplishments. Nowadays, social media is used to meet new people, dangerous and friendly. If you look at a person's friends list or look at who they are following, chances are they won't be able to name every single person. I know I sure can't.
I believe social media should be used more responsibly. Just a few weeks ago, my school was put on lock down because a few teenagers decided to try and post anonymous threats towards my high school via Yik Yak. First off, nothing is ever anonymous and that's something people need to get straight. Nor is anything ever completely erased from the internet. Someone always has a file of it somewhere. I recall, a few years ago I started my youtube channel and posted some silly videos. I went back a while after I had posted them and deleted them because I didn't like how I was portrayed. Despite my efforts to take down the videos, when I googled my name, I discovered that one of my viewers had actually taken some screenshots of those videos. So from this I learned, if you're going to post something. Post it. But make sure it's gonna be something you're still proud of in a couple of weeks.
Image is important to me as a musician and teenage girl. Some mornings, I change my outfit up to three times because I can't decide on what to wear. That's just the start of it, though. With social media, there's not just the shirt, pants, jacket, and shoes. There's the profile picture, cover photo, statuses, likes, dislikes, etc. The list goes on. I used to post things every day, each time with the hope that certain someones might like it and other someones might comment. The disappointment that came with the lack of responses was overwhelming for my little teenage heart. So I'd delete the status or the photo. I cared a lot about how people saw me. I cared a lot about whether they saw me or not.
I don't use my facebook much anymore, or at least compared to how much I used to. I don't post statuses because I don't have much to share with the world. Additionally, I don't need to share things with the people on my friends list. Just because they are there doesn't necessarily mean they're important to me. I have the cellphone numbers of the people who matter most, or alternative ways of contacting them. For the people that equally matter, I am still getting around to asking for their info.
My step-mom told me this rule about clothes. She said if they haven't been used in six months, then you don't need them. I feel as if this can be applied to social media as well and friends/followers. I am constantly erasing people from my friends lists. For every new person I add, I remove a couple. I do this to make sure my list doesn't get overwhelmingly lost, and to just clear off the people that have left facebook or haven't spoken to me in six months. Sometimes I'll see a name on my friends list and think to myself, "Who the heck is that?"
Okay, I've got some homework to do, so I'll try to be quick.
People are also very dependent on social media, I've noticed. I don't have a cellphone, so maybe I'm biased, but I feel so free without a phone. I see my peers texting beneath the desks or I walk past someone on the sidewalk who happens to pull out their phone as we get closer, and I think to myself how lucky I am. Phones are unsafe. They're a distraction from the things that are important. Texting while driving? Stop, please. You have somewhere to be, and it's just holding you back.
This doesn't mean phones and social media are completely useless. There are beneficial apps like alarms, GPS, and email. The thing that people are forgetting to realize, though, because of this technology, is that they are perfectly capable of living life without it.
Don't let your phone live life for you.
You live it for you.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Post SAT: Brain Goes What?
I just got back from taking my first and last SAT. There was a lot of pressure riding on this because it's my only chance. However, I feel alright. I'm mostly relieved that it's over. I have no idea how so many people have taken this multiple times.
As I was writing the essay, I was concerned about my wording. I knew what I wanted to say, but it got jumbled coming out. I've done practice essays, and have done well on those before, so I'm not sure why I struggled so much with this. I think it was just the pressure getting to me. I managed to barely scrape in a few body paragraphs and didn't get to the conclusion. I'm disappointed about that, but hey, what can you do?
I thought the math sections were easy as pie. Even for the ones that I struggled with at first I managed to get an answer down. I didn't leave anything blank, which I'm not sure is good or bad?
The closer I got to the end of the test the better I felt. The only thing that I'm a bit worried about was the interpreting of passages. Despite what my peers may think, I am awful when it comes to translating text.
Well, the SAT is out of the way now.
Bah shake it off.
Relax.
Now time for the next test. Sometime within the next two weeks I'll need to take my PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment). My 1.5 mile time is about average, but I can crank out a good amount of push-ups. Sit-ups are my weak point, but I'm hoping to improve those within these next two weeks some how. It's all about the core, I guess.
As I was writing the essay, I was concerned about my wording. I knew what I wanted to say, but it got jumbled coming out. I've done practice essays, and have done well on those before, so I'm not sure why I struggled so much with this. I think it was just the pressure getting to me. I managed to barely scrape in a few body paragraphs and didn't get to the conclusion. I'm disappointed about that, but hey, what can you do?
I thought the math sections were easy as pie. Even for the ones that I struggled with at first I managed to get an answer down. I didn't leave anything blank, which I'm not sure is good or bad?
The closer I got to the end of the test the better I felt. The only thing that I'm a bit worried about was the interpreting of passages. Despite what my peers may think, I am awful when it comes to translating text.
Well, the SAT is out of the way now.
Bah shake it off.
Relax.
Now time for the next test. Sometime within the next two weeks I'll need to take my PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment). My 1.5 mile time is about average, but I can crank out a good amount of push-ups. Sit-ups are my weak point, but I'm hoping to improve those within these next two weeks some how. It's all about the core, I guess.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Reflections
We all have an image in our head of what we think we look like. We've only ever seen ourselves in a mirror, and some scientists believe our brains actually trick us into thinking we look better than we actually do (Oh, God). Therefore, because of this we can only really ever know what we want ourselves to look like. What's in the mirror is just the base coat we have to work with on this wonderful canvas of life.
Sometimes, I like to imagine the types of people I'll be having lunch with in five or ten years time. I want the person on the other side of the table to be someone that's stuck around a while. I want them to be someone who has seen me through thick and thin and knows how to keep me in line. I welcome criticism if it means improvement.
So who is on the other side of this table?
As of right now, I'm still figuring that out. I've got a good idea of the type of person I'd like to having that lunch with, but they are still a blur. Everything about life at the moment is all about possibilities. No guarantees have made themselves known.
Everybody around me is applying to colleges, but everything they're applying to is just to add to their options. They're studying for tests, which is suppose to narrow their options, but more knowledge just opens the door to more choices.
The only definitive answer I have is me. I'm going to be sitting at that table five years from now. So what type of person do I want to be?
Sometimes, I like to imagine the types of people I'll be having lunch with in five or ten years time. I want the person on the other side of the table to be someone that's stuck around a while. I want them to be someone who has seen me through thick and thin and knows how to keep me in line. I welcome criticism if it means improvement.
So who is on the other side of this table?
As of right now, I'm still figuring that out. I've got a good idea of the type of person I'd like to having that lunch with, but they are still a blur. Everything about life at the moment is all about possibilities. No guarantees have made themselves known.
Everybody around me is applying to colleges, but everything they're applying to is just to add to their options. They're studying for tests, which is suppose to narrow their options, but more knowledge just opens the door to more choices.
The only definitive answer I have is me. I'm going to be sitting at that table five years from now. So what type of person do I want to be?
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